seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing. it's okay not to be okay.

i keep replay this song, & telling myself this line.
IT'S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY.

i haven't yet convinced myself; i mean, i can see this for other people- everyone, just not myself.
i have to be okay, or at least play the part.



i wasn't very well at the end of last week, i'm starting to get over it now but half of me wants it back. i couldn't eat much, which meant no purging & no lax for a few days (also, no shitting for 3 days LOL). i'm just urgh. i'm just really fed up at the minute.
when i tried to post my last entry, i pressed something & it disappeared on me- it sent me over the edge. i went into a flying rage, on myself- i decided that i wanted to die (for all of 15 minutes), obviously  i didn't do anything to enable that, but i did cut.
i cut for the first time in a few months, only the 2nd time since i've been at uni. i suppose this should be half a good sign- i.e. it's a slip up, & i can get back on track from it. but, i've thought of doing nothing else since.





one of my best friends is coming up for a few days, tomorrow. i'm hoping it'll do me good, at least raise my moods. because i'm really not a very happy bunny right now.












i'm really sorry that this blog has become somewhat based on how miserable i think everything is right now.