we might as well be strangers in another town;

when posting my last couple of blogs, i've not been able to find the words to say, well, anything.
recently i've just posted videos of songs that i majorly relate to in the moment. i need to learn how to express myself, what i'm FEELING- i often know what i think i'm feeling but never  realise how i actually feel, ever.

OMFG WHOEVER LIVES ABOVE ME NEEDS TO DIE; THEY ARE SO LOUD THAT IT MAKES ME WANT TO EXPLODE INTO A RAGE OF FIRE & STAB THE MOTHERFUCKERS.

sorry, tangent.



i don't feel like part of anything at the moment; like disconnected from everyone- everything. i want to isolate myself from the world, i don't want to get up, get dressed, go out- move. i don't want to breathe, because breathing hurts (AHAHAHAHA, i'm regressing to a fourteen-year-old emo :') stab me rib, stab stab).
i don't know if it's a case of isolating myself, shutting off from the world in a bid to have justification to feel like this- if that makes sense?

don't get me wrong, it's nice to see people sometimes. i had a lovely time with with of my favourite girls, lily, last night- but i kind've just felt like i wasn't there. i don't feel like i'm anywhere, unless i'm in the bathroom trying to force my whole fist into my mouth. i'm growing weary of going through the motions.





in other news, i had another appointment with my ed nurse last week, who wanted me to start trying with breakfast. . .or at least eating earlier in the day. some days i succeed; but it's a case of- the earlier i eat, the earlier i purge.  she's going to look into refering me for 'proper cbt', because she does think what they can provide at the doctors with be enough.

i seriously don't agree that how i am warrants any sort of help- things could be so much worse.

i have to go, because i'm going to cry with anger at the bastards living above me.
seohtgkjfbjdbgjfngk :@